Hey, folks. I know it’s been a long time. I’ve been distracted by my jacked up wrist and hand from that accident. Not to mention, the pain and swelling have hampered my ability to spend quality time with my keyboard. It’s still swollen and hurts, but it’s getting better. My orthopedic doc said use it as tolerated, so here goes…
I feel like I should open with a rap. Those of you that know my speaking voice should be laughing by now because I sound absolutely crazing rapping. Back to the point. I recently had a birthday and turned 37. The funny thing is this is the first birthday that I actually feel different. I remember turning 16 and knowing I could finally get a license, but I didn’t FEEL any different. I remember turning 21, and it not even being a big deal because I don’t even drink alcohol. I remember turning 24, and not realizing how much of a blessing it was to then be eligible for lower rates on car insurance. My birthday this year started off very much unlike any other day. I woke up at 3:20 am in excruciating pain. It felt like someone was cutting the fingers of my right hand with knives and trying to squeeze the blood out. As I laid in the bed in tears, I just hoped it would stop. Eventually, it became bearable, and I got myself ready for work. The day included a trip to hand specialist, some Cuban food with a friend, and watching So You Think You Can Dance. The day ended up with me taking myself to dinner at a cute little bar where I sipped hot mint tea, munched on upscale chicken and waffles while reading Breaking Dawn on my iPad. See, nothing earth shattering there. Well, the other little fact was that I was totally moved the outpouring of birthday wishes on Facebook. I’m finally getting to the real news. I woke up the next morning FEELING different. I just felt peaceful. I felt like everything was all right…I was right where I was meant to be. I felt…happy. Now, that’s the best gift and blessing that I could ever get.
Fast forward to a few days later. I was saying goodnight to my 21 month old cousin. She was grinning at me with these huge eyes and this totally toothy grin. At that moment, there was no way I could love her any more…even if I had birthed her myself. I realized that I was okay if I don’t have children. I can love other children. They don’t have to be mine. Some folks are sitting there saying, but you can have children for years. For me, I don’t want to be Kelly Preston. I have no idea to be in my mid to late 40s kicking out babies. When my parents were my age, I was 13. My uterus has a time limit, and I’m not going to go into a panic trying to make sure it bears some “fruit.” I know 37 isn’t old. I don’t feel old. I feel wiser, and I recognize that I’m getting older. I can’t honestly say that I feel like I have a big hole in my life. My life is filled with so much love. I have the skill and talent to make a difference in people’s lives daily by just going to work. I am financially comfortable. I have a great family. I have some of the best friends in the world. I just don’t have anything to really complain about. I also feel like I can’t say that I believe in God and have faith in his plan if I sit around second guessing the way things naturally unfold.
I have a phenomenal life. I have freedom. I have love. I even have some power. I am the queen of my destiny, and I challenge all of you to claim your rights to yours. As we all get older, it’s time to improve what we can and make peace with the things out of our control. Peace and happiness are truly priceless. Happiness is a choice. I hope you choose it.