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relationships

Do You Feel the Love on Valentine’s Day?

It’s the infamous, commercial holiday also known as Valentine’s Day.  Do you feel the love?  This day brings such a wide range of responses that it’s hard to believe it’s all for the same holiday.  My phone and Facebook have been full of messages ranging from the most mushy of love to the depths of despair.  What makes this day such a toss up?  Continue reading “Do You Feel the Love on Valentine’s Day?”

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The Secret Dating Expletive: Potential

Potential.  It’s such a simple word.  According to Webster’s Dictionary it means “something that can develop or become actual.” Sounds innocent and harmless doesn’t it?  Wrong.  In dating, this word is sabotage, deceptive, and a set up for disaster.  Why you ask?  I could rant about this forever!  I really mean forever.  I’m going to show you some mercy and just give the short version.  What brings me to this topic?  I was watching the Nightline Faceoff:  Why Can’t a Succesful Black Woman Find a Man.  There was a segment where Hill Harper went on and on about potential.  Potential has a place, but it has historically not worked out well for black women, possibly other women or men also. Continue reading “The Secret Dating Expletive: Potential”

Mom’s Relationship Wisdom

I was having this marathon conversation with my best friend about relationships, when my mom pulled out these two slips of paper that she’d written a few weeks ago.  “What did they say?” you ask.  Here goes:

If you’re single looking for a man, make a list of the qualities you want him to have.  If your list has more than 10 items, mark off all but 10.  If you’re 21-25 mark off 2 items.  If you’re 25-30, mark off 3 more.  If you’re 35-40, mark off 2 more.  Now, if you’re 40 or more, mark off one more.  If you’ve reached 0, start making a list of things that make you happy to do by yourself because chances are that you’re going to stay single.  So just enjoy your life.”

Honestly, when I first saw this my response was to laugh.  At first glance, you may thing this is negative and hopeless.  I see something more.  Yes, it’s logical that the selection may go down with time.  Can you imagine a huge sale with the same quality of merchandise on day 7 as day 1?  There are the special finds that are from returns or online purchases that show up as surprises, but those aren’t the norm.  Do I think a good mate when one is getting “older” is a miracle find?  No.  I believe there are a lot of great women and great men still out there that are single.  Do I think there is some disconnect that is keeping all of these good catches from meeting each other?  Yes.

What do I get from mom’s wisdom?  The men out there as we get out there may not all be exactly what we first imagined we wanted.  There are some folks that are single (men and women) that are single for a reason.  Some people just are not relationship appropriate at the moment (notice I said moment not forever).  The question is do you settle and just “have” a man or do you hold onto your standards and see if you end up with one.  My thought is I would rather be alone that be one more person in a bad relationship.  Unfortunately, I see a shortage of happily married people.  At the end of the day, I agree with her last conclusion.  Regardless of partner or no partner, you have to enjoy your life.  Every day is a gift.  If you waste it, it’s gone.  You can’t control whether you find Mr. or Mrs. Right, but you can control your own happiness.  Happiness is a state of mind, so get to stating!

Much nub and health,

Dr. Ericka

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