I was having this marathon conversation with my best friend about relationships, when my mom pulled out these two slips of paper that she’d written a few weeks ago. “What did they say?” you ask. Here goes:
If you’re single looking for a man, make a list of the qualities you want him to have. If your list has more than 10 items, mark off all but 10. If you’re 21-25 mark off 2 items. If you’re 25-30, mark off 3 more. If you’re 35-40, mark off 2 more. Now, if you’re 40 or more, mark off one more. If you’ve reached 0, start making a list of things that make you happy to do by yourself because chances are that you’re going to stay single. So just enjoy your life.”
Honestly, when I first saw this my response was to laugh. At first glance, you may thing this is negative and hopeless. I see something more. Yes, it’s logical that the selection may go down with time. Can you imagine a huge sale with the same quality of merchandise on day 7 as day 1? There are the special finds that are from returns or online purchases that show up as surprises, but those aren’t the norm. Do I think a good mate when one is getting “older” is a miracle find? No. I believe there are a lot of great women and great men still out there that are single. Do I think there is some disconnect that is keeping all of these good catches from meeting each other? Yes.
What do I get from mom’s wisdom? The men out there as we get out there may not all be exactly what we first imagined we wanted. There are some folks that are single (men and women) that are single for a reason. Some people just are not relationship appropriate at the moment (notice I said moment not forever). The question is do you settle and just “have” a man or do you hold onto your standards and see if you end up with one. My thought is I would rather be alone that be one more person in a bad relationship. Unfortunately, I see a shortage of happily married people. At the end of the day, I agree with her last conclusion. Regardless of partner or no partner, you have to enjoy your life. Every day is a gift. If you waste it, it’s gone. You can’t control whether you find Mr. or Mrs. Right, but you can control your own happiness. Happiness is a state of mind, so get to stating!
Much nub and health,
Dr. Ericka
Healthy, Fit, and Fabulous 
April 15, 2010 at 11:28 pm
I used to write down all of the things that I knew that I just could not and would not tolerate. I changed it from the things that I like, because no one is perfect, including the person making the list. Plus, it gives a person a fair change. You may find out you like something that you didn’t know was appealing to you because you are going into something looking for a specific thing. I used to use my mom as a good tool as a young person. If she didn’t like them, they were no good for me. 🙂
April 17, 2010 at 4:49 pm
I hear ya. I used to have a list of 10 things I wanted in a mate. I’m not ready to delete it down as far as mom suggested, but I realize that I am further downsizing my dating pool. I’m okay with that because I am also comfortable being out of a relationship. I believe a short list of “Oh heck no” is great. You have to have an idea of those things that just 100% will not work. This saves a lot of wasted time and heartache. Thanks for leaving a comment, Floyd:) To all those who have read this post, thanks for checking me out! I look forward to hearing your feedback, too:)